Expanding One’s Love

If we can recognize that we are all mirrors, mirrors of each other, then we have to remember that this is as true for them as it is for us: others reflect aspects of ourselves, but we also do the same with others. The mirror is both the source and the vessel in which we appear.

Choosing what we want to reflect in others is an important decision one has to make. What we choose to reflect is important because it says a lot about us. And when we decide on what is to be shown we should do so with great care and awareness. For it is hard to be able to recognize and appreciate the best of each person; this is an act of love towards yourself, because the other does not really exist in the fashion that one believe tangible, but is viewed as an extension of you.

We are all people and according to the way we relate to those around us thus we are reflecting the way we treat ourselves.
It is not a question of denying or hiding limitations or possible "failures"—our own or those of others—but of enhancing the aspects that are beautiful, wise and endearing.

Where we focus our attention, that is the area that grows, expands and increases. Therefore, if you appreciate the positive qualities of others, you help them to grow, to love and accept, and motivate them to continue to give their best. This is the nature of sharing both of one's self (the intangible) and of resource (the tangible). Through this act they then are given the option to give you back that reflection, and so, among all of us, we create a world where love, unity, respect and peace rein state.

But not all light is bright.

What if someone insists on projecting their darkness toward us? In those cases we can continue to reflect the best parts of that person. People who only project criticism, judgments, and attack you in some way are those who do not recognize their own beauty and do not love themselves. This is crucial in being happy and comfortable in ones life. This does not always work. Sometimes it is appropriate to follow our path, with acceptance, forgiveness and detachment. And yet, we do not need to reflect that which they project on us, we can keep that person in our heart, and continue to send him Love.

This is not intended to be a revelation. The truth is elusive, yes, but sooner or later we discover the truth: limitations, mistakes and failures do not exist, for they are illusions created by our minds.

We are love, and to that extent, when you discover it in yourself and reflect it to others, we are perceiving the only possible reality.

The Need for Love

People often confuse love connected to need, for many their is the mystery of love. But is it so mysterious? How many of you have ever seen or been near a much-needed person?

People in need are taken. That's all we have to say. If a person in need is a taker, is he expressing love? They're not expressing love. They're in a state of need.

Most people don't understand the difference between a state of need and a state of love.

All they understand is that no one is meeting their needs. And if your needs aren't met, that usually causes disappointment. That need can be as small as having your mother or father tell you that they love you or that you did well. Maybe they didn't tell you that. In that case, you would have been disappointed because you needed to be given their approval.

But why did you need to be told that? Because you wanted your parents to recognize that you'd done something good.

Now, what happens when needy children get older? How many of you are adults and needy?

I read in the paper recently that we as a nation are becoming more needy.

Are you needy?

Go ahead, everything is fine, confession is good for the soul. There's something specific to learn about love. And this is this: if we know that the most sublime feeling is the action of giving and that this action is the nature of love itself, then we, who are the givers, almost never find ourselves in a state of need, because we are in a state of love. Because you see, when you are in a state of love, you are in a state of happiness. When you are in a state of happiness, you are not in a state of need: you are in a state of joy.

However, most people interpret that only based on being in love with particular people. It remains to be discovered that it spans a lifetime and that, in truth, it understands all people. And that love has to be comprised of a 360-degree circle. It can't just be 30 degrees of that circle. It has to be complete for our happiness to be complete.

Embracing Love’s Embrace

Does he hug you when you sleep or turn his back on you?

Hugging has been proven to have health benefits. One study has shown that hugs increase levels of oxytocin and reduce blood pressure.

Through sleep, both men and women unconsciously take the position expressed by their attitude towards their partner. What does your sleeping body language have to say? We all sleep in different ways, but each one has a favorite position where he likes to fall asleep.

Psychologists agree that the position of our body through the night can tell a lot about the character of the person and their attachment to their partner. If one's dreams can be called a monologue, those of two together can be called a dialog.

Scientists found that the way people sleep, indicates something about how they relate and which feelings govern between the two. So, what's our body language trying to tell us?

The main orientations while sleeping are:

Back to back. They sleep with their back to their partner, that is they are touching from behind, facing away from the other, but they maintain contact behind. These couples feel a strong sexual attraction to one another, although they value their independence, they give great importance to feeling the closeness of the other.
Spoon position. One partner is supposed to hug the other from behing. This position is also called the back hug by my boyfriend, when the man embraces the woman, it means that he is willing to protect her from all evil, and if the woman embraces the man, it means that she enjoys his confidence. In this case she represents emotional support for her partner.

They say that this position ensures harmony and is often thought of as showing trust, a good thing for the future and progress of a relationship.

Facing hugs. The lovers sleep face to face towards each other, hugged. The legs may be tangled, indicating the desire to belong to each other and other strong bonding feelings. The heads may be at different levels and can be uncomfortable to sleep like this.
Separately. Partners do not touch each other during sleep. It indicates difficulties in the relationship of couple and lack of mutual understanding in waking life.
Side hugs. Research made by an English sexual health center interpret 3 variants of this position:

Variant 1. The man is on his back and hugs/cradles his partner who rests beside him. The position indicates that he is willing to give emotional support and harbor his partner in life from harm.

Variant 2. One of the couple is on their back, and another on their side in an fetal position. This has been translated that the latter needs the support, but for some reason cannot say it openly.

Variant 3. One is on the back, and the other next to your belly, placing a leg or arm on the partner's body. According to psychologists, the latter has the subordinate role in the relationship.

It should be noted that the poses of couples, who have lived together for a long time, are more reserved than newlyweds. If the newly involve embrace the whole body and their bodies get very entangled during sleep, those who have had a long relationship together, are more reserved and will lock a foot or hand when seeking contact. Psychologists recommend that all couples sleep in the same bed. The fact is that if they separate to different beds, their incomprehension grows and negatively influences the relationship. Scientists explain that the person is more sincere in sleep and does not depend so much on their ego as in wakefulness.

The Feeling of Love

How can you define love? Into which box do you place it?

What is love?

According to philosophy, human or religious judgment, love is related to the affection and attachment that is experienced towards a person. This leads to passionate emotions and intimacy. According to science, it is only a state of primitive evolution of survival that facilitates the continuity of species.

We have multiple ways to look at love, but on an inner personal level few would define it so clinically.

So how would you describe love to someone?

In psychology, the terms affection and love are of great importance. As all intellectual phenomena have been classified as sensations by scientists, all emotion is perceived as a simple mental affection, the element by which all emotional manifestations are greatly pronounced.

The psychologist Henry Murray (1893-1988) developed an organized personality theory in terms of motivations and needs. According to Murray, these psychogenic needs function mainly through unconsciousness, but play a major role in the personality of individuals. Murray categorizes these five needs of affection:

Affiliation: spending time with other individuals;
Nurturing: caring for another person;
Play: having fun with others;
Social rejection: rejection of other individuals;
Protection: be useful or protective of others.

So affection is a feeling of love, and yet as a mere type in the very broadest sense: a positive feeling therefore that like other forms of love makes us wish for the well-being or happiness of others, or even pushes us to participate as best we can. One can compare affection to friendship or tenderness, and its expression to benevolence or simply to kindness. A person with affection is said to be affectionate.

Affection has sparked a number of studies in philosophy and psychology concerning the feeling itself (popularly love, devotion, etc.) as well as the influence of this state of mind.

Oh, How Sweet Your Kiss

What is kissing? Is it simply touching with the lips, one of the many signs of love, friendship or reverence. Is there a difference, are different types of kissing between a couple used to show one's feelings? For some kissing is kissing something or someone with repetition, vehemence and passion.

So, what is kissing?

What does it mean to you?

The kissing action in itself is simple. We even have examples of kissing in this basic form that have traversed time and space; the best known kisses are basically: the one that is called the "Judas kiss" because it is given as a false manifestation of affection and that of peace, which is given as a sign of affection and friendship.

When two people start a relationship, kisses are given all the time and anywhere, because it's the only intimate contact they can have; but as time goes on, kissing becomes a habit of structure with the importance of maintaining the sensation of unity within the relationship.

The kiss is the first step on the road to love and is the indispensable, creating a bond for a couple, besides that it gives a certain magical touch to a relationship and makes an avenue for greater passion, the desire to feel your partner's embrace, and through this deeper feelings arise. The longer it lasts, the more the blood vessels dilate, the more the receptors become sensitized and therefore the greater the pleasure it gives.

Apart from pleasure, performing this "habit" continually has its positive side:

It is the best way to fill a relationship with energy.
You can express a hello, I missed you, I love you, or I want you.
A kiss says more than a thousand words.
Give reassurance and the renewed feeling of being loved.
It's a way to relax.
Kissing can make the negative aspects of life fade even for an instant or for the duration of the kiss.
The exchange of saliva is a sign of maximum confidence and desire for sublime fusion.
It is the prelude to further embrace.

There are no special techniques, no recipes, no kissing rules; the essential thing is that it is given with tenderness and affection even when passion intervenes.

Some types of kisses include:

Soft and sweet kiss: expresses tenderness, can be accompanied by caresses and delicate looks.
Romantic kiss: it is given with all the strength of the love felt towards the other person
Sensual kiss: it's a way of flirting and incites passion and sensual contact
Encompassing Kiss: it takes your breath away, denote desire and show anxiety about possessing the other.
Passion kiss: it is much deeper and the caresses become more intense.

It's said that kissing is the thermometer of the relationship, so if you ever stopped wanting to kiss your partner, start worrying. Once married, perhaps that need to have maximum contact will fade away as you receive deeper understanding but it maintains the same gravity when kissing begins.

Here are some suggestions maintaining the passion:

Kiss your partner at every opportunity you have.
If you want to kiss in a public place, do so.
Focus on kissing and caressing without thinking about what follows.
Invent a code communication through kissing.
Understand that you do not need to have sex to feel pleasure; there are caresses and kisses that can produce unimaginable sensations.
Whenever you kiss, do it with tenderness, affection, respect but especially with love.

Fun facts about kissing in different cultures:

In Eastern culture, kissing is giving and receiving spiritual energy.
Contests of longer kisses have been held. One is the Kissing Tournament held in Mexico a few years ago.
It is said that if you manage to tie a knot with the cherry stem only with your tongue without touching it with your hands, it means that you know how to kiss well.

Don’t Be Afraid – Show Your Love

The opposite of war is love and the opposite of love is not hate, it is fear.

What is love? Love is the basis for a healthy relationship, and every healthy relationship is a garden, a mystery that happens, for example, between two people, a garden that depends on both people to flourish. In this encounter where a new universe is created, in that encounter where phenomena happen and where both people are exchanged and transformed. This is a lot easier than it sounds when you understand love, what it does for you and how one embraces it inside the context of a relationship.

When two people meet they are two separate worlds, how they meet and if they hit it off is something sometimes tremendously complex. Each person is a world unto themselves, a complex mystery throughout their past and their finite future.

When we enter into a relationship, no matter how close, it is initially located on the periphery border of our experiences. If it is allowed to grow it will reach intimacy, it will become deeper, and it will have an impact on our future. If you are in your center and the other person is at its center, those two centers will begin to get closer and closer and something we call love with unite the two. This is the opposite of war, which tears apart and destroys it does not create.

When the encounter is peripheral we can say that we are only befriended. Even here we can touch each other, we can even have sex, but it will be from the edges of our borders, that's an intimately close acquaintance This "friend with benefits," should not be seen as somebody we are in love with, as intimacy and lust is something else entirely when it does not flow from love.

No, love is so much more than simple lust or desire.

To get to know a person, to reach that center is to go through a great change personally, something that takes time; this profound inner revolution which occurs because if you want to get to know a person at their center you will have to allow this change to happen. And that change is the longing, the with that we all make, to get to know that person, to let them help us get another perspective, a companion for life who helps us avoid the holes and heal wounds that we all have.

If you want a relationship, one that is deeper, that it is not a peripheral but profound you have to allow that person to also get to know you (the real you), for which you must become a vulnerable, open person, and this demands a greater risk, it is dangerous because you never know how much that person could harm you by knowing your deepest secrets, everything that we have hidden for a long time, not only to others, but to ourselves and now that can be exposed, and that's where fear comes in, so it's not very easy to open up, because fear directly touches our vulnerability, our feeling of rejection, of failure. It leaves us thinking "I'm going to expose myself and they may leave me."

What we're hiding is an idea of what's inside of us, maybe it's not good and, when they really know me, maybe they're going to "abandon me," so there are so many people who have this mechanism of protection that rationalizes ending relationships before anything happens, before that idea has to end the relationship, people who stay on the periphery border because they are unable to deepen a relationship, because deep down the relationship has never taken hold, leave the relationship before the relationship has a chance to leave them. This is to abandon before being abandoned. Why? Because we want to be hurt, we are not willing to risk finding out.

There are married couples, there are lovers both who have been together for many years and who are only known on that superficial level, who have never really connected with each other; and there are situations where the more you live with someone, the more you forget that center of balance you built with your partner early on. They remain lovers on the periphery of their lives, even if they are lovers of years they know nothing about each other.

Sex is the same, as it can be making love on the periphery. Unless the centers are united, sex results only in the encounter between two bodies and not at the soul.

Sex is only love when both people feel it in a sexual relationship, when the are at their center truly in love, in that case not only is sex love, but sex is sublime, it is eternal.

And when we allow someone to enter our center:

We're without out fear.

The person oriented towards love is someone who does not fear the future, who does not fear the one who stands next to them, who opens up, who is exposed and does not fear the result or the consequences of opening themselves up to someone else.

The Magic of Love

Love will always be present in our lives and hearts despite time, distance and situations. Living with the same partner for a long time can become stable and comfortable, and, as a result, can appear to have diminished the spark that made your relationship so special at first.

This isn't the case, however, realizing that it is there may have become less visible.

Here's some simple, fun and creative ideas to rekindle that magic which the two of you once shared. Chances are you've already thought about them. Don't be afraid to be cheesy, on the contrary they can give you incredible results. Sharing laughter is free and when done with the person you love an incredible way to bond an rekindle the spark.

Here are a few options:

Surprise: Send Them A Unique Gift

Get a piece of paper and some crayons. Draw a bright childish picture with a smiling sun and two figurines taken from your hands. Add tags with their two names by pointing to the figurines. Write 'I love you' inside a heart. Then get a big formal envelope. Place your drawing inside and type a formal label with the address of your partner's work, such as: "For the urgent and immediate attention of: Their Name, Their Address" Send it to your partner to receive in the middle of a hectic day.

Play: Connect With Your Inner Child (And Your Partner)

If you're walking by a park, visit the swings and playground equipment. Play on the beach. This usually brings back happy memories of his childhood.

Tenderness: A Massage With A Twist

Buy a small decorated cardboard box, a colored tissue paper sheet, some massage oil and a blank card. Put the massage oil in the box and write the following message on the card: "I know a great masseuse. For an appointment call: (Your phone number)"

Fond Memories: Dreams Of A Child

Contact your partner's family and ask if there was anything they always wanted when they were little. For example, if your wife always wanted a special doll, buy her one for her birthday. She will not only appreciate the gift, but also the fact that you were considerate enough to find out what she always wanted. You can do this for your husband, too.

The Moments: Look At The Clouds

Drive to a field, find a green hill, and lie back and look at the clouds.

Activities: Walk On The Beach

Draw the shape of a big heart in the sand. Sit inside your heart and caress your partner as you watch the sunset.

Togetherness: Organize A Picnic In Your Backyard Or Balcony On A Warm Summer Night

Place a picnic blanket on the ground and eat some snacks, chocolates and drink champagne together. Lie down on the blanket with your partner and look at the stars.

Caring: Show Your Partner That You Are Thankful

Leave a long-stemmed rose for your partner to find, with a note that says "Thank you for entering my life."

Intimacy: Keep Your Sex Life Alive

Probably the deepest way to rekindle romance in your relationship is to spice up your sex life. Surprise your partner with a small gift after making love, try a new position, learn to give a sensual massage to your partner (before or after), or simply spend your time looking into each other's eyes and stroking your bare skin before making love.

Many people underestimate the intimate and passionate effect that sex has on the couple. If you spice it up, you and your partner will probably do romantic things naturally. Why? Because making love passionately connects two people in a meaningful and inexplicable way that is not achieved with anything else.

Back from the Weddings

On Friday we left at 10 o'clock, we both took the day free, it took us about twenty minutes to get to the court house. I have only been there once before when I was in junior high on a field trip, I think that the chambers looked almost identical. I remember finding the leather chairs old fashioned, but our friend Justin (who met us outside) loved them.

We were there for Lindsey and Jennifer, who have been visiting over the last week, as they were going to marry. The officiant gave a fine (rehearsed or timeworn) talk about love and the importance of being a decent partner and things went off without a hitch. Okay, they were hitched but that was the point. Afterwards we drank champaign together and shouted hooray and the officiant gave them a small gift on behalf of the the city, a great nice book about, well the city, but it was was wrapped nicely in what I can only say was the biggest bow I have ever seen. We wrote in the guestbook and took pictures and in general we were all moved! I cried. Hector was in addition to the officiant was the best dressed, with designer shirt and tie and he has a generally neat manére!

Afterwards, the group went down to the café and drank coffee and ate cake (Lindsey and Jennifer had ordered) to the radio (which was playing pop chart music).

In the evening we ate dinner at the hotel (which offers the best food in the city) and it was so really nice to celebrate Lindsey and Jennifer's marriage, we ended up coming late to bed but the weather had been perfect and full of joy!

Saturday we were out again early. Another couple we know from college were married in a lovely church wedding, at 10 o'clock, though we first had been invited for coffee at her mother's house, though we just got to get a glimpse of the bride before she drove home and switched into a beautiful off-white wedding dress with lace. The wedding and reception were perfect in every way possible. Not that anyone had any doubts about that, but the food was too rich for my taste and by the time I finished the cake I was done. It all became a tad too much for me and we left a little earlier than our friends expected. But I was actually throwing a bit up when we wrote in the guestbook…not that any landed in it. But the bride and groom were happy, about as happy as could be. They organized a choir for the live music, who sang for them and even did a rendition of their favorite song. It was so cute.

And I am still exhausted, it is going to be a long week.

Friendship In A Digital Age

This internet allows us to make connections from around the world, it gives us the opportunity to have communication with many people from different walks of life, even if they are thousands of miles away. The only options for such contact just a few decades ago were via mail (slow) and long distance telephone calls (expensive).

Today I can met people, characters (yes, you read that correctly) "characters" because they play a role, I don't know them personally, or if they really are who they say they are. At best, they show a part of their personality in which they hope shows the best part of their character without realizing it, well, that is now always true, but that's another story that I hope to tell you later.

Their is some truth to the argument that they are doing the same in their personal life, but that is a subject for another day as well.

I met a special person last year, from the first day we spoke it was as if we knew each other all our lives, it was as if we just stopped talking for a while and our reunion was wonderful. In other words we connected really well. Needless to say we got carried away by everything and had some very happy moments together thanks to this wonderful thing that we call technology.

When we say love we often reserve it for romantic relationships but it is more than that. To love some one does not mean you desire physical intimacy. We felt so much love since that first meeting which came from our hearts. Still, long heartfelt conversations sometimes need to be punctuated with a hug. So we meet. We gave eachother that longed-for embrace and felt each others warmth, I will never forget that. At this point it is important to note that we really don't live that far from one another. A couples of hours drive. The distance was not immense, but that is relative, thanks to the internet we were able to connect, something that would have been impossible otherwise.

The internet brings people together.

What Is True Love

It's not easy to distinguish between lust and true love. Most people have grown up believing in the idea of true love.

Film loves to feature romantic stories in which an attractive girl and boy meet and although they do not know one another at all, they fall in love with one another instantly, knowing that they have been made for each other. In the scope of a movie this might be necessary given that they run only two hours. But is that realistic? If so film romances strike faster than lightning! While they show this relationship as love, is this true love?

Let's face it, if you don't get to know somebody then you cannot love them. Sure you can get a crush. A whim starts quickly. Maybe, a boy may be attracted to a girl who smiles kindly at him. He might be the only one that feels something, but she may understand his attraction and respond. The idea of being attractive to another person ignites a certain amount of excitement. When it is fresh and new, everyone wonders, "What's happening to me? I've never felt this way before. I'm probably in love. I think I've finally found the right person for myself."

But has that person really fallen in love with the other person—or have they fallen in love with love! If everything feels like it has fallen into place it might be coming from internally. It takes a greater understanding and connection to safely say: "I'm in love. I think I've finally found the right person for me."

That beautiful feeling of being in love is never a permanent condition without something deeper coming from both partners. Without mutual understanding it's a feeling and feelings come and go. You may be on cloud nine with this beautiful feeling, but if you expect to find it so easily can you expect to hold on to it as easily? Can you accept that you have found it and not become board with it? To think that you will live the rest of your life at that top you will be setting yourself up for a great disappointment.

True love, is more than a beautiful feeling—it's a commitment. A commitment is a decision backed by actions.

Many love relationships develop into solid partnerships, especially when emotional communication proves to be stable and sustainable outside the sexual aspect of a relationship. In a love affair in which no partnership is sought or expected, or which is conducted in parallel with an existing partnership, one speaks of a love affair, a liaison, an extramarital sexual relationship in which sex is paramount. In all these cases can one really speak of true love?

Love is the search for a partner one can trust and share a life, this is why people marry. In true love they are sure in each other's love, despite the presence or absence of romantic feelings at that current moment.

Lust itself is a form of selfish love. First and foremost it is a love generated by what the other person can do for him or her at that point. That form of love always seeks convenience and well-being, not that of the other person's wellbeing. It's selfish and one sided. It's erotic at its heart, that's why it's called Eros after the Greek god who ruled over "Lust, Sex, Eroticism and Sensual Desires" . The person who only has that kind of love uses the other person and does not care about the welfare or the relationship. They live according to their feelings and not according to a commitment.

The opposite of Eros, Agape is a Greco-Christian term referring to love, "the highest form of love, charity," which can be seen as a form of true love. It is a constant love. The partner always wants the best for the other person.

This kind of love is true love. Don't settle for selfish love, a love that only thinks of itself. Seek true love, love Agape, the love it gives, and gives, and continues to give. Seek God first to experience that love and you will never again settle for selfish love or be a person you selfishly love. It's really worth it.

Love gives, it does not take.

Love Coma

The is your wake-up call

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